​“I Believe You”

Affirming Feelings: A Gift to Remember

What if our parents said that to us often when we were younger? What if, when we had angry outbursts or when we came to our parents with a relationship struggle or a feeling as though we weren’t living up to our potential, our parents affirmed our feelings by saying “I believe you”? What would that validation give us? Would it give us confidence and hope? Would it help us to work through things while knowing we never have to be alone with our feelings?

What if I told you that you can give this gift to your children? What if I told you that you can give this gift to your spouse? Your sibling? Your parents? That’s the cool part; you CAN!

Understanding "Deeply Feeling Kids"

How many of us have been described as “emotional”, “old souls”, or as being “too much” or “a lot to handle”? How many of us parents feel this might be true of our own kids? Sure, we love them, but sometimes they are intense. Dr. Becky Kennedy refers to these kids as “Deeply Feeling Kids”. They wear their emotions on their sleeves and their vulnerability and sensitivities are never far behind. They might have angry outbursts when something doesn’t go their way. They might be unusually distraught when they can’t quite figure something out. They cry, they scream, and conversely, they love deeply, belly laugh, and live passionately. Anybody identifying with this?

Believing in Inherent Goodness

I believe, without a shadow of doubt, that all people, but especially children are inherently good. I also believe that people know what they are feeling better than anyone else. Sometimes it’s hard to connect with our feelings and put them into words, sure. But we know ourselves better than anyone else. This goes for kiddos too. They haven’t been taught all the fancy masking skills that we use in our day-to-day lives to continue to function in a society that seems insensitive to sensitivity.

The Gift of Validation

So, when we tell someone “I believe you”, we validate their emotions. We validate their personhood. This simple phrase gives confidence and safety; to know that whatever struggles are going on, they don’t have to do it alone. It lets someone know they are real, and they are safe. Let’s give it a try for the next week. Let’s hold space for our children, our spouses/partners, our loved ones. Tell them “I believe you” with conviction and see what happens.

The Journey of Parenting

Stay tuned for more posts on parenting insights. I believe parenting is perhaps the most difficult task in the world (and I’ve done some hard things). I also believe it’s perhaps one of the most important things in the world and unfortunately, our kids don’t come with an instruction manual. The good news is, there’s no evidence that we can permanently mess up our kids. We have time to optimize our parenting until it’s their turn to decide what bits of our strategies they’ll keep when raising their own children. Let’s try and make those bits full of love and grace. :)